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“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.” On parenthood “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” “The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons they let you play softball on the weekends.”įurther Reading: 78 best love quotes and sayings “Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” “The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.” Men just need a place.' Billy Crystal Click To Tweet “When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier.” “Love is blind friendship tries not to notice.” Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.” “Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn’t seem to crack. On friendship “A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” For that reason, he wants a woman, as the most dangerous plaything.”įurther Reading: 150 positive life quotes about success, happiness, and love. “The true man wants two things: danger and play. “By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” That way when you do criticize him, you'll be are a mile away and have his shoes!” “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. “The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.”īehind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. 'There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.' Helen Rowland Click To Tweet “Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.” “Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract.”

“What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.” “To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.” On men “How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost? The original meal has never been found.”įurther Reading: 57 empowering and inspirational quotes about self-love “The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”

“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. 'An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have the older she gets the more interested he is in her.' Agatha Christie Click To Tweet The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” “There are three intolerable things in life – cold coffee, lukewarm champagne, and overexcited women.” “Brigands demand your money or your life women require both.” “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” On women “A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.”

It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.”įurther Reading: 100 happy quotes that will make you smile “You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. “Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?” So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.” “My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.